Kiamoy

i was chatting with tita bon this morning and as usual i was ranting how im soo far away from my future plans. i told her i really want to pursue a career in development studies. i wanna start being an RA then proceed with designing and conducting my own research projects. i guessed my dream of getting involved in media wore off. blame it on the horror stories of back biting-crab mentality- poor compensation that i hear from friends. so now hopefully this is my new track in life.

tita bon sent me a link for a research position and she said this might be what im looking for. of course it required an MA degree but then who knows right? first thing that came to my mind: whoa.this IS my dream job. so after drooling over the list i somehow managed to come up with a feasible game plan:

1. enroll in french classes asap  -  wouldn’t hurt to learn the UN’s second language plus UP is offering very affordable French lessons.

2. scout for possible MA programs - right now im looking at SURP, NCPAG, CSWCD and this new program called MTM. ill also try and look into other schools but of course UP will always be my first choice.

yeah i know sounds extremely geeky but i really miss feeling this kind of rush…

may the force be with me.

meron akong limang maliliit na singaw sa gilid ng kaliwang labi ko…tapos meron pang isa sa dulo ng dila ko.sobrang sakit di ako makakain, makatulog tapos lagi na lang akongtahimik.hindi ko alam kung kelan sila gagaling tapos kung makgat ko pa kahit isa lalo lang lalala,magdudugo.

kung sila nga natitiis ko..dapat IKAW rin kayanin ko.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the
age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief,
it was the epoch of incredulity …
-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two
Cities.

that exact point in time when our paths crossed seems so long ago yet when i read this line the memories came rushing back..
happy birthday best.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

one of my most recent finds, special thanks to Wena. After hearing Andy Garcia recite this (check the video clip in my profile) I seriously wanted to do him.

along with the sudden urge to scribble stuff down, i’ve been reunited with my first love which is reading. ive just finished wolfing down Sue Monk’s the Secret Life of Bees and Bob Ong’s Stainless Longganisa. I’m currenly reading Chuck Palahniuk’s Survivor which he wrote after Fight Club. (Special thanks to Tin and her wonderful taste in yummy books)

nah im not gonna write book reviews because im never good at those.i just have this basic rule when it comes to choosing which books to read: if i can’t put it down after the first chapter then it’s definitely a keeper. sure this strategy has failed so many times because let’s face it, writers usually give it their all during the first round and make bleh writings in between and try to redeem themselves in the middle part or if they’re really desperate,at the end. Even Dave Eggers admitted this in his book A Hearbreaking Work of A Staggering Genius. I remember part of his introduction telling the readers that it was really no use reading the introduction because this part was more for the author than the readers and in fact, readers might wanna skip a few chapters of his book and just proceed to page three hundred so and so. I ended up reading the entire thing even the addendum because he was just freakin hilarious.

I read Stainless Longganisa and the Secret Life of Bees from cover to cover because they were really really good books. Sure Bob Ong’s humour can get OA sometimes but I marvel on how he speaks to his readers with such…slangness. He also talked about one of my most favorite topics which is writing and pursuing one’s dreams. He said that people dream not because they want to be rich and famous but because it’s part of human nature to dream for something bigger than ourselves. The Secret Life of Bees on the other hand talked about racism,religious feminism and the bees’ life cycle which is pretty much similar to our own. I especially liked this book because it reminded me that we can learn great things if we only pay closer attention to our surroundings and our seemingly ordinary lives.

Ok for those who are not really into books I can see your eyes slowly drooping so I’ll have to cut this post short. I just wanted to share with everyone one of the few things in life that almost never fails to lift up my mood. Next time I’m gonna write about my second most favorite thing to do — EATING.

till then. ciao!

yeah im posting for the nth time in a short span of days and for people who know me they sense that something is definitely up. i would not even elaborate but please bear with me and my upcoming posts which is gonna sound more and more dreary. for now this is the only means for me to vent so to quote prettyboy brandon boyd "pardon me while i burst.."

my friends keep inviting me to baguio. i’ve always loved places with cold weather because i get a really good night’s sleep and you have 101 reasons to give and receive human warmth. hehe. i can’t remember the last time i went up there but it was always with my family…just got a call from mae telling me to go there asap. the long weekend’s coming up and im still undecided.

i’m not used to feeling this emotional and i certainly don’t enjoy all the drama that’s been happening. i do believe there are more important things to think about. i just find it hard dealing with my emotional self since i got used to beeing cheerful 90% of the time.

yeah ive been in this situation before..approximately four years ago. and it took me a good six years of my life to let my feelings wear off. now i can only hope this sad-mode won’t last that long beacuse i can’t even bear the thought of how much sleep im going to lose over this.

the only consolation i have is i finally have enough passion to write. thoughts keep swirling over my head and the only means to get it off my system is to write. finally an emotion strong enough to get my creative juices flowing.

of course i won’t let this go to a complete waste and i’ll be posting more sensible stuff soon. ill try to inject socio-political issues now and then so my blog readers (if they exist at all) will have something else to chew on other than the-mess-that-is-my-life.

so to you who finally opened the floodgates, thanks for giving me a reason to start writing again.

"…thanks for being there unselfishly..thanks for our memories."
after all the junk i texted you had to give me this reply..

ang hirap kse sa ‘yo feeling mo hindi ka worthy mahalin kaya ayaw mo rin magmahal..i miss you like hell.

Act1
(pantry with Gil and Chris)

G: RIMMER!!!! (hand gesture that’s too censored to describe)
(laughter)
C:Ano ba yan, parang puro lalake tayo dito ah..
Gil looks at me
G: Oks lang yan, si Kitchie pa, eh one of the guys yan. instant member na nga yan ng the rimmer club eh.
K: (laughs) Oo nga naman, kelan ba induction?
G: Wala ng induction..member na agad!

Act2 (RP moviehouse while watching Miami Vice with Jojo and Joy)
Jo: Ako na lang si Jamie Fox..
Kitch: Bakit naman?!
Jo: Eh gangzta ako eh!
Kitch; Shige na nga..joy ikaw na lang si Collin kse malakas sa chicks eh,parang ikaw
Joy: Pano ung babae na walang ka-love team? Eh di ikaw yun?!
laughter
Kitch: tangna nyo!!!
gunshot
Kitch:tingnan nyo nga ako pa nagligtas sa inyo kasi ako ung nakabaril dun sa guy na may hawak ng detonator..sabi sa inyo ako yun eh..

Act2 (ym conversation with a guy friend)
Guy: Ano? Kelan mo ko ihahanap ng date?
Kitch: Takte naman bakit ba lahat kayo eh sa akin nagpapahanap? Mukha ba kong factory ng chicks?!
Guy: Hindi naman sa ganun..eh ikaw kse maraming contacts eh..
Kitch: Hay naku sige na nga kahit ni minsan wala ka pang naipakilala sa akin na boylet tingnan ko kung matytype-an ka ng mga friends ko..
Guy: Yan naman ang gusto ko sau eh! yung maganda ha!
Kitch: Syempre naman eh di kung pangit yun baka sumabog kayo (laughing smiley)

..times like these when im reminded of how i really stand with guys. i’ve been treated otherwise but i really prefer it this way. i realized id rather be treated like a regular person, a buddy even, rather than those girls they keep oogling at.

Siguro tama rin ung sinabi ko dun sa isang college friend ko na nagbalak pumorma sa kin :

"Alam mo kse.. mas ok akong kaibigan kaysa girlfriend,pramis!"

Pero minsan naiisip ko pa rin yung testi sa kin ni Em dito sa friendster:

and to all the guys: enuff with the nonsense! someone will snap her up, and believe me, ul feel SOOOO sorry for urself if ur not the one who gets to be with her.

hayy…weather weather lang yan.