Kiamoy

not-so random thoughts…

~napahalakhak ako sa testi ni EM. pucha slow-growing power daw.

~masyado na akong nasasanay magpapetiks-petiks. not good.

~madali akong kiligin. as in simple eye contact lang pumapalakpak na tenga ko. sheeesh.

~kelangan maayos ang suot ko sa kahit anong lakad. mahirap ng magmukhang basura.

~medyo sensitibong topic sa akin ang pera. hindi ako madamot pero ayoko rin ng magulong kausap.

~kaya ko palang magkagusto sa isang kaibigan.pero syempre hindi nila alam.yihee.wehehe

~kelangan ko ng mag-ipon.gusto ko bago ako magbirthday marami ng laman ang bank account ko.

~sawa na akong gumimik at mag-inom. gusto ko chill na lang…tamang kuwentuhan

~mahirap ang maraming barkada.magastos at nakakapagod pero masaya.

The Stupid Jerk I’m Obsessed With
by Maggie Estep

The stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
stands so close to me
I can feel his breath
on my neck
and smell
the way he would smell
if we slept together
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and that is his primary function in life
to be a stupid jerk I can obsess over
and to talk to that dingy bimbette blonde
as if he really wanted to hear about her
manicures and
pedicures and
New Age ritualistic enema cures and
truth be known, he probably does wanna hear about it
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s obsessed with doing anything he can
to lend fuel to my fire
he makes a point of standing
looking over my shoulder
when I’m talking to the guy who adores me
and would bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
if I asked him to bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
but I can’t ask him to bark like a dog
or impersonate any kind of animal at all
cause I’m too busy
looking at the way the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
has pants on that perfectly define his well-shaped ass
to the point where I’m thoroughly frantic
I’m just gonna go home
and stick my head in the oven
overdose on nutmeg and aspirin
and sit in the bathtub reading The Executioner’s Song
and being completely confounded by the fact
that I can see
the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with’s face
defining itself in the peeling plaster of the wall
grinning and winking
and I start to yell,
Get the hell out of there
You’re just a figment of my imagination
Just get a life and get out of my plaster
and pass me the next painful situation please
but he just keeps on
grinning and winking
he’s the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s mine
in my plaster
And frankly, I couldn’t be happier.

*argh.cmon please get a clue!

UP life checklist

( ) worried about getting bullied by
fratmen or getting killed in a riot
- sorry my dad was head of a very infamous frat TWICE, dun sila nagkakilala ng mom ko, so takot lang nila! angas..hehe)

( ) got bullied by fratmen or was killed in a riot
- read above statement

( )
witnessed a riot
- wala corny sila nung time namin, i just watch them shake hands and wear polo/slacks get up in the sweltering heat…d kaya bumula kilikili nila nun?!

(X) watched the oblation run
- syempre! nung first time nainterview pa ko ni JV Villar and my freshie face appeared on that evening’s news.syeeeet

(X) made friends with a teacher
- syempre naman, you gotta love masscomm profs

(X)
was tricked as a freshman into attending a rally / prayer meeting
-not naman tricked…convinced freshie kami nun tapos against budget cut, our whole block was supposed to go tapos pinagtatalunan pa kung magpapaalam kami sa prof namin na hindi kami aattend ng klase nya because of the rally…eh kaya nga walkout rally db?!! lol.

(X) wore red or black on one of
those wear red or wear black days
-yes, I try to always wear the shirt and those paper pins they give out..may  pakialam pa rin naman ako kahit papano

( ) wore red on Valentines Day
-umaatend lang ako ng UP fair sa twing Vday.mag-isa…hehe

( ) wore black on Valentine’s Day

( ) celebrated a birthday at Mang Jimmy’s

(X) learned UP Naming Mahal
- syempre naman! nakakapanindig-balahibo kantahin ito lalo na kapag kasabay mo ang buong UP community with matching arms raised.

( ) got on the dean’s list
-walang ganun dito! pero university and college scholar ako. hehe

(
) slept on a bench
-sa sahig ako nakatulog in the middle of our thesis presentation class.

(X) was an RA (registration assistant) or SA
- tumulong lang ako nung university election kasi free dinner tapos may P250 na sweldo.antaray!

(X) lied or begged to an RA for a slot in class
- oo nmn! kalimitan pag kumukuha ang ng language electives.hehe

(X) participated in a there’s-only-one-more-slot-are you-feeling-lucky? raffle during registration
- oo! sa polsci14 saka sa socsci2, sobrang exctiting nun kse kung d ko sila nakuha underload ako

(X) jogged/walked around the campus
-lagi pag walang magawa sa dorm.

( ) visited the Vargas Museum
- nakakahiya mang aminin hindi ko pa ito nalilibot

(X) knew at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name
- binibigyan pa nga nila ko ng paperweight ng tara let’s pag december. san kp?!

( ) attended university level graduation
- hehe ndi na wala naman akong medalya.

(X) got an activist for a teacher
- marami!

( ) itched from higad bites
- maraming ganito sa molave dorm pero d nmn ako nahigad

( ) had gotten a 5.0 in something
- i got all grades , 1,1.25,1.5,1.75,2,2.25,2.5,2.75,3,4 but NEVER got a 5

(X) had taken a crap in school
- hehe oo naman sa bahay ng alumni malinis saka sa cmc cr keri lang rin

(X)
watched a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game
-required kami sa isang PE class. ok lang cute naman ng players.hehe

(X) watched a UP vs. any school basketball game
- lagi pag opening ng UAAP.

(X) gave a powerpoint presentation
-staple na yan pag comm res ka

(X) studied in CASAA
-pero pag early morning or late in the afternoon bago mag-exam

(X) studied in McDonald’s or Jollibee Philcoa for one full night and bought just one regular-sized drink
-merong kasamang regular fries.hehe

(X) studied along Katipunan
- nung bukas pa yung burger king

(X) studied along Katipunan and affected the mannerisms of a
stereotypical Atenean
- actually mga taga MIriam ang ginagaya namin. ung iba kasi masyadong malalande!

(X) watch a play
that’s not required for CommIII
- mahilig akong manood ng plays.pinakagusto ko ung Usapang Puki (tag version of Vagina Monologues)

(X) went stargazing
- once, sa observatory nung malapit ung Mara

(X)
ate in Chocolate Kiss, Tea Room (in CHE) or Chateau Verde
- malimit kami sa Choc Kiss kse comfort food namin un ng thesis partner ko saka friend namin yung may-ari.

(X) slept in the lib
- oo! sa cmc lib hindi masyado kase sobrang ingay ng mga tao pero sa mainlib CAL section parang hinihila yung ulo mo ng desks dun. kahit ayaw mo makakatulog ka talaga!

( ) struck up a conversation with a taong grasa

(X) wrote to / for the collegian
- nag-attempt ako mag-apply bilang writer pero hindi ko yata tinuloy

(X)
seriously pondered about the identity/ies of the people described in
Eksenang Peyups
- opkors! favorite section ko ito ng kule!

(X) went to the chapel (the protestant church actually, used to go to church there)
- oo lalo na pag labasan na ng class cards

( ) got a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers while walking in Sunken Garden

(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie
- hindi kami nagcut as a block mababait yun mga yun!

( ) had a voltes V for a teacher
-sorry hindi sila nagtuturo ng Math1 and 11!

(X) took a class under Joseph Palis
-YES! Soc Sci 1, one of my most favorite profs.

( ) lied to the transcript lady to get a transcript earlier than the standard 3 months

(X) went to a Freshman-only concert
- syempre! im a dormer.

(X)
subsisted on just streetfood
-s yempre pag dormer ka laking tipid pag sa aristokart ka lang kumakain at meryenda mo ay isaw o monay.para meron kang panood ng sine sa SM North.hehe

(X) went on an out-of-town trip during a break with blockmates or orgmates
- nakarating kami ng Bohol-Cebu!!! dabest!

(X) fell in love
- i fell in love with UP.wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib
- ung kay Littlejohn kasi ayaw kong ipaxerox

( ) played cards during your free time

(X) dressed in business attire

( ) sumabit sa jeep

( ) got sung to or sung to someone in class during Valentine’s day
- wish ko lang db?! pero meron akong isang kilala na every year may hinaharana na guy…hmp!

(X) watched the lantern parade

(X) helped out a total stranger

(X) helped out a total stranger because he/she was hot

(X) learned to stay awake for more than 24 48 hours straight
- my last two years in UP

( ) got bullied by fratmen and feeling cool wannabe people who were actually losers

(X) took Wednesday and/or Sat classes WILLINGLY
- kay sir wakemeup before you guioguio!

( ) volunteered for the pahinungod

( ) ate "tasteless white sauce" pasta from cock-a-noodle-doo

( ) got a boyfriend/girlfriend
- ive always and still hang on to the dream that i’ll end up with a UP guy

(X) took time to read the vandalism in the CR
- astig yung nasa MainLib

(X) watched a sexy art film for any GE class

(X) got held up or pickpocketed

(X) felt depressed because you were not as good academically (or popular) as you were in high school

(X) did a last minute paper
- oo naman. mainit-init pa pag nagsusubmit kami ng papers

(X) had spent a lot for 1×1 ID pictures
- thank God for colored xerox-yes thank God!–true!!

(X) got exempted from final exams
- sa econ at lang electv ko, forgot which one

( ) got exempted from a final exam but still took it

( )
attended a varsity pep rally

( ) watched LIVE AIDS, Androgyny, Maskipaps or any well-known variety show

(X) got into at least one (org- or council-sponsored) adventure race

(X) knew where the best restrooms are on campus
- bahay ng alumni saka sa Kalay!

(X) joined an org

(X) allowed yourself to make mistakes
- how else would you learn?

(X)
went to the gym in spite of having no PE class just to ogle varsity
players /cute boys

(X) took summer classes

(X) admired the oblation

(X) made a video for a project

(X) had a crush on a teacher
- crush ko si randy david pero dko sya naging prof

( ) had a teacher who had a crush on / tried to court you

(
) attended your ROTC Bivouac

(X) faked sickness to get an absence excused

( ) got your car scratched by one of those "kuya bantayan ko kotse niyo" kids

(X) took a PE class where you had to pay for tuition

(X) went to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes

(X) learned how to use the Bayantel pay phones

(X) participated in school activities

( ) caught the UP Pep Tryouts

(X) dated someone from UP

(X) rode an IKOT and TOKI

(X) found a tambayan

(X) went drinking at Sarah’s

( ) learned how to beg for a higher grade

(X) used your 6 allowable absences wisely

(X) lived in a dorm
- kalay,molave,kamia

(X) volunteered to be beadle or go-to guy for your group / class

( ) had the worst schedule

( ) realized that there really is just one coconut tree on the sunken garden

(X) not used up all 6 allowable absences

(X) ate in ISSI, Treehouse, Mama Thai’s and other more obscure cafeterias

(X) ate food Aristocart-style

(X) was active in your org

(X) attended an ACLE

(X) got as many app forms as you can during the job fair

(X) learned how to cram

(X) sold tickets for (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere

(X) saved money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes

(X) had accidentally seen a make-out session

(X) slept in class
- sa CS audi pero naka-uno pa rin ako kay arcilla! wooohooo

(X) finished a homework / assignment / paper in the shopping center or philcoa
- sa philcoa lang

(X) had mountains of unused sample exams and/or old testaments

(X) resolved to be "better this semester"

( ) slept during a test

(X) had groupmates from hell

(X) learned how to work with groupmates from hell

( ) perfected the art of parking on campus

( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus

(X) developed a love for sisig 
-da best sa Terry’s sa UP village!

(X)
practiced those UP cheers in the first meeting for PE class

(X) looked at microfilms in the library or poked through archives

(X) reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function

(X) attended UP Fair

(X) went to a library other than your own college’s to research
- lahat yata napuntahan ko commres eh

(X) lost a perfectly functioning umbrella

(X) used consultation hours properly
- a MUST ito pag thesis

( ) went to the Guidance Office for real,heart-to-heart guidance

(X)
went to the infirmary
- baka infirmatay….

yeah it’s kind of a long read so kung tinatamad kayo just read the highlighted portions

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Let Your Sour Be Your Bookie

   

by Sting

"You can make a fresh start with your final breath." Bertolt Brecht

One
man’s risk is another’s sure bet. I may have the reputation for being a
risk taker, but when I look back, I wasn’t always conscious of taking
them. At least, not at that time. I might have appeared that way to
outsiders. But to me, at the crossroads, there weren’t really two
divergent paths for me to consider, two stark but equally compelling
choices. There was a dead end and the edge of a cliff. So if it’s die
or jump, is it risk or destiny. It doesn’t matter. Maybe risk is
destiny.

I suppose the first big risk I ever took was to leave
my "profession," which was teaching. I was twenty-four, had a wife, a
baby, a dog, a little car. My foot was on the first rung of the ladder,
but I wasn’t going up; I had one boot in the grave. I knew that for
sure the minute the head teacher warned me in horror that if I left,
I’d lose my pension.

Pension? Didn’t know I had one. All I did
know was that I didn’t want a life with a pension plan waiting at the
end of it. I know that attitude was arrogant. I was born into a
working-class family and for us, pensions were the reward for hard,
honest toil. But it wasn’t going to be my reward. Arrogance is a highly
underappreciated character trait. In fact, arrogance fuels risk.

My
former wife was an actress pursuing a career in London and I knew if I
was going to make it as a musician, I had to be in London, too. So we
packed up all our belongings, which besides the baby and the dog was a
rocking chair, and set off in our battered Citroën toward the
living-room floor of a friend. I really had no prospects. What was I
thinking? Well, I wasn’t. There seems to be very little cognitive
process associated with risks. But I was also strangely joyous — like
you’re about to dive into some very cold water and the minute before
you hit the water you think, "There’s no turning back now. I’ve done
this." And there’s a great freedom in knowing that there aren’t any
safety nets.

Whenever you change the direction in your life,
it’s going to scare the people around you. That’s a given. But if it
doesn’t scare the daylights out of you, it’s not real risk. Very often,
fear comes only when you’re well into it. Those early days were both
debilitating and frightening for me because the only way I could
support my family was to go on dole. Turn up on Wednesday afternoon,
sign your name, and say you’re available for work. I never felt that I
should be there, doing that, but I was grateful for it each week
because during the day I could practice my music. That’s when I met
Stuart Copeland, who would later be the drummer of the Police, and he
had this idea of forming a band. He said that he liked my playing and
singing and wondered if I wanted to take a risk tagging along to see
how it might go. Was there a choice? It didn’t seem like it at the
time, it just seemed like the answer to my prayers. So again the
paradox: If you had no choice, how can you call it a risk?

I’ve
never believed there’s anything to be gained from an educated risk,
where you weigh all the consequences and then take your chances and
hope you choose the best possible outcome. Usually we take on
well-thought-out wagers for practical reasons, like for money. But more
often than not they backfire. Even the most brilliant strategy, the
most reasonable plan can morph overnight into a leech, sucking the
integrity out of you, until you’re barely able to say "Never again."
That is, until the next reasonably profitable, well-thought-out devil’s
IOU presents itself.

Sometimes people mix up thrill seeking and
risk taking, but I think they’re totally different experiences, with
different motivations and outcomes. Thrill seeking is flirting with
danger, taunting the fates. Thrill seeking seems to be a particularly
male endeavor; it’s probably encoded in our DNA. It’s speeding
motorcycles, parachute jumping, mountain climbing, drug taking, and
adultery when you’ve got a great wife and a beautiful family. My
perverse enjoyment of rough plane rides brings out the thrill seeker in
me. I was once in a near-crash in a small plane flying over Venezuela.
When I walked away from it, surviving was one of the best feelings I’d
have for a long time. Surviving. What a rush. Women understand this
wild streak in their sons, but barely tolerate it in their men.
Perhaps external thrills are the most seductive when our daily lives
disappoint us. I sometimes think that we men seek thrills because we
don’t always have the courage to take real risks, whether they’re
emotional risks necessary in successful personal relationships, or
practical ones, as in changing jobs.

True risks, that sudden
leap into the cold water, can carry you into a state of grace.
Coincidences, synchronicity, chance, karmic charm, it doesn’t matter
what you call it, there’s a positive force that intervenes that covers
your back. Things click. It makes sense because true risk is the only
thing that forces spiritual and emotional growth so immediately, so
dramatically. In my life there’s always been a connection between risk
and luck. A lot of people approach risk as if it’s the enemy, when it’s
really fortune’s accomplice. A risk may seem ridiculous to other
people, but risk isn’t random or rash when it’s a necessity. The night
I decided to walk away from the Police, I’d felt I’d reach the summit.
We were being hailed as the hottest band of the decade. In barely five
years we’d gone from playing for a handful of people in bars to 67,000
fans in Shea Stadium. We’d sold forty million records. I had more money
than I knew what to do with. But I was miserable. I was out of control
and so was my life. Everything was falling apart — my first marriage
was breaking up, my relationships with the other guys in the band were
horrendous, yet I had the world envying me. As I walked off the stage,
I knew I had to make the change. Everybody thought I was certifiable. But I was joyous, relieved. Risk has given me back my soul.

As
one grows older, one has more to lose and the risks loom larger. I’m
halfway through my life. How do I become the old man that I could
admire now, a wiser elder? How do I grow old gracefully, especially in
my profession, which glorifies youth so aggressively? How do I become
useful to the people around me and my society as an older person? I
think it’s crucial to take a fresh start, take a blank canvas, do
things that defy logic, whether it’s introducing an audience who’s used
to listening to music in a four-four time to a more complex meter, or
making a movie that’s unconventional, or popularizing somewhat
unfamiliar topics such as rainforest issues or meditation or whatever.
What’s disconcerting or unexpected often pleases me, especially if it
takes my audience and me in a new direction. In the end, I know I won’t
find it personally rewarding just to toe the line, stick to the
formula. I’ve got to progress more as a person than as a personality.

What’s
my biggest risk now? How about being happy? I used to subscribe to the
theory that in order to write anything worthwhile, you needed to be in
some sort of turmoil. And I wasn’t alone in that belief. I would
manufacture all sorts of problems in order to be able to create. But in
the last few years, I’ve made a conscious decision to create from a
profound depth of happiness, and no one is more amazed than I am that
some of the best work of the deposed "King of Pain" was inspired by joy.

It
has always impressed me that the Chinese pictogram for crisis is the
identical one for opportunity. I’m convinced that taking risk redeems,
restores, and reinvents.

So the next time you’re overwhelmed by
curiosity, or the prospects of change makes your stomach heave and
the ground beneath your feet rumble, my advice is, don’t look back.
Risk is sitting on your shoulder, my friend. Nothing in your life is
beyond redemption. Dive into the cold water. All bets are off.

There’s a bunch of stuff i need to write about but ill choose one topic at a time.  A good friend advised me to make my blog more reader-friendly (masyado kang introverted…lumabas ka sa kahon mo para makita mo ang sarili mo…) Though I can’t quite veer away from narcissistic (please give me a more politically correct term) topics, I’d give this thinking out of the box a shot.

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Riding public transportation has its perks. You get to feel the hustle and bustle of the metro and if people watching is your thing, then you’ll definitely enjoy the ride. I take the jeep from my apartment to the MRT station. At this time of day everyone sits at the shaded portion of the jeep. No one sits behind the driver since you’ll be the designated konduktor.

I take the elevator ride up to the MRT. Street children will hold the door for you and even join you inside afterwhich they will ask you for money. People will desperately fill in the cramped space and ignore the OVERLOAD signals of the poor elevator.

The MRT is a perfect place to check out what people are wearing. No matter how hot the day is I will always find a girl wearing velvet or an equally heat-trapping fabric. There will also be a guy wearing a knitted bonnet or (gasp) a leather jacket.

I get off at Ortigas station and ride an fx to my office. 2 out of 5 times it’s just a blower instead of a proper aircon.Perfume galore inside the vehicle. Musky-light-heavy scent. Oh please please dear God don’t let me catch a whiff of BO.

I walk towards the office and desperately try to imagine I’m in New York City.

Kapag Sinabi Ko Sa ‘Yo
(Gary Granada)

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika’y minamahal
Sana’y maunawaan mo na ako’y isang mortal
At di ko kayang abutin ang mga bituin at buwan
O di kaya ay sisirin perlas ng karagatan

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika’y iniibig
Sana’y maunawaan mo na ako’y taga-daigdig
Kagaya ng karamihan, karaniwang karanasan
Daladala kahit saan, pang-araw-araw na pasan

]

Ako’y hindi romantiko, sa iyo’y di ko matitiyak
Na pag ako’y kapiling mo kailanma’y di ka iiyak
Ang magandang hinaharap sikapin nating maabot
Ngunit kung di pa maganap, sana’y huwag mong ikalungkot

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika’y sinisinta
Sana’y yakapin mo akong bukas ang iyong mga mata
Ang kayamanan kong dala ay pandama’t kamalayan
Na natutunan sa iba na nabighani sa bayan

Halina’t ating pandayin isang malayang daigdig
Upang doon payabungin isang malayang pag-ibig
Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika’y sinusuyo
Sana’y ibigin mo ako, kasama ang aking mundo

*pag naririnig ko si Gary kumanta nito naiinlab ako kahit hinde.hayy…

if anyone has seen my smile please tell her to return to me ASAP.
im afraid her partner in crime a.k.a the twinkle in my eye is also with her.
they were last seen on…oh i honestly can’t remember when.
im willing to give a reward to anyone who can give me their whereabouts.
thank you very much.

–kitchie