Kiamoy

im writing a post not really because i have something to write but rather because i wanted to write. so i will let this flow and not think. "don’t think, just write"– finding forrester.

yes i am loving my job despite the whirlwind tasks and the ever changing plans and of course, the 24/7 email (thanks to my nokia e61). it’s only been three months but i got the most exposure to print, broadcast and non-tradl media than i ever did before. met a LOT of personalities and learned a lot about the entrep world. carpe diem! i think that’s a perfect way to describe each working day.  oh of course  i whine every now and then and throw tantrums at everyone who bothers to listen but at the end of the day, i have this inkling feeling that this really what i wanted to do…

and just like in any linear story there comes the conflict, the (un)expected blow that life throws back at you just when you’re starting to get comfortable with your life.a new opportunity that comes only once in a lifetime that you are quite unsure of, yet you know that was what you wanted before..but how sure are you that it’s still what you want now? and…what if you’re ok to not be ABSOLUTELY SURE about your decision?

my priorities are changing and even if im sooo freaking tired of dating myself i still choose to put my romantic life on hold because (aside from the fact that guys haven’t actually been noticing me for the past few months..) i haven’t really had time to fix myself up and say "hey i am free, date meee!!" nah, id rather work. or read. or find excruciating ways to complicate my life.

and so the days go by and by, not really sure where i’ll end up with and not really sure if i care enough of what tomorrow will bring, but one thing is for sure. whatever happens….i will write about it.

so there.

in 2007, kitchie needs to fulfill her new york dreams
– sms from myra

i saw gremil’s ny pics today thru friendster and a wave of sadness came over me, especially when i saw times square, radiocity music hall and broadway. been almost 5 yrs since i saw those landmarks and i really really want to visit them again. i wish i kept a journal when i visited, or a digicam even. i still have a bunch of knick knacks from my ny trip that I have yet to organize into a scrapbook. anyway, just to keep the spirit alive, here are a couple of stuff i love/miss most about NYC

New York Public Library (still have my card)
Museum Strip (my mom can get away with a $1 dollar entrance fee because she kept saying she was a student and they believed her!)
Times Square (tkts!)
Rockefeller Center (with or w/o the ice rink)
Taking the bus.everyone is sooo friendly. i miss saying "have a nice weekend" to complete strangers every friday
Broadway shows
the village (la vie boheme!)
soho (artsy fartsy)
rocky horror picture show
all you can eat strawberries/ben and jerry’s ice cream/ocean’s eleven buffalo wings/tacobell
street fairs
concerts at bryant park
gabby and mikail (the best kids in the whole wide world)
duane reade/rite aid/gap at every block
columbia u (my future..hehe)

I WANNA BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK! NEW YORK!

oh no no no no…im going to restrain myself from writing about work because MY GAWD ive been writing work-related stuff 80% of the time.

–instead:

i will write about the wonderful book i read (Shampoo Planet by Douglas Coupland, thanks tin!) and just like in the book, I wish I could conjure witty sentences to describe people’s flaws to make it less…rude. but then im way too lazy and result into, cuss words. really mature, i know.

the next thing i will write about is my recent dietary regime wherein i try to stuff myself with food in order to counter attack the rapid weight loss caused by it-which-must-not-be-named

then i will proceed on ranting about how i don’t see my friends anymore and 
that ive spent the early part of the new year eating meals alone. where art thou me fair weathered bosom friends?

and this surprisingly new realization that one of my secret wishes is to catch a guy secretly looking at me with a smile in his face.

see? im still human, i have a lot of other things going on my mind. so please pretty please do not let me fall to the dark side.
SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOS
—end of message—

DISCLAIMER: Not recommended for people who have low levels of mushyness tolerance. Don’t say I didn’t warn ‘ya.

—————————————————————————————————–

Let this be the last time I will write about this.

I broke one of our traditions this year and that in itself
says a lot.  The distance between us
seems to be more evident than ever before but I surprisingly feel calm.  I have long prepared for this moment, to
finally cut off the remaining strands of what was in order to accept what will
be.

It is simple, but not easy.

We are simply not meant to be, and it took me almost six
years to accept that.  I have always
wanted to be that girl who will wake up and sleep beside you or just even have
that one fine day for us to spend together.  No walls, rules, restrictions, just us
enjoying each other’s company. But then
I wake up from this dream state and realize that you never really wanted me
there in the first place. Because if you
really did, then that dream will become a reality.

I know that by the time you reach this part you have
realized that this post is talking about you.  In fact, you can ask any of my friends and be
surprised that they will all mention your name.  After all their poor ears have suffered enough
from all my rantings about you, their shoulders sore from the countless times I
needed comfort and their tear stained hankies that they always said I could
keep.  Melodramatic I know, but I wanted to
tell you that this really happened, that the pain that I felt was real.

I am writing this because I will probably have no chance to say
goodbye.  I know the current circumstances
will not permit us to be seen together and that I will just have to settle for
a cyber goodbye.  I know we have said our
goodbye’s so many times before but I guess this is the only time when I finally
mean it.

So please allow me to say this one last time,

I love you.