Kiamoy

Kung Ayaw Mo Na Sa Akin

Gary Granada

 Kung ayaw
mo na sa akin
Wala akong magagawa
Hindi mo na kakailanganing
Magdadalawang salita
Kung ayaw mo na sa akin
Sabihin lang ang totoo
Para minsanan na lang ding
Luluha ang puso ko

Datirati pag ako’y nagkwento
Pumupungay ang iyong mga mata
Ngayo’y kahit original ang jokes ko
Hinding-hindi ka na natatawa
Di na tayo nanonood ng sine
O kaya’y magpusoy-dos man lang
Noo’y gustunggusto mo laging maglibre
Ngayo’y di mo na ako pinauutang

Kung ayaw mo na sa akin…

Wala akong magagawa
Hindi mo na kakailanganing
Magdadalawang salita
Kung ayaw mo na sa akin
Sabihin lang ang totoo
Para minsanan na lang ding
Luluha ang puso ko

Di mo na ako kinakausap
Di mo na ako inaakbayan
Namimiss ko na ang iyong mga yakap
Di mo na ako hinahalikan
Di ka na sumisipot sa usapan
Parang di mo na ako mahal
Di mo man lang yata nabalitaang
Kalalabas ko lang sa ospital

Nakita kita kahapon
May kaholding-hands ka pa
Gaya rin natin noon
Nag-uumapaw ang saya
Tila napaibig ka na rin
Sa matangkad mong kasama
Di mo na napapansing
Mas guwapo ako sinta

Ngunit, kung ayaw mo na sa akin…

Kung ayaw
mo na sa akin
Masakit man ang totoo
Kung talagang ayaw mo na sa akin
Ayaw ko na rin sa iyo!

****************************************************************************************************

What happened between us was eons ago and yet I still felt
like hell when
I found out. So that was the person behind the ‘I need to focus on my work’
excuse. It would have been way cooler if you told me outright. 
You should’ve known I’m woman enough to handle the truth, no matter
how harsh. But then again, why exert the extra effort right? After all, I
was only your meantime girl. The girl you hook up with before you met
‘the one’. I could curse the depths of your soul for treating me that way but
then again, it was partly my fault. I should have seen it coming
(pun  intended). Maybe I was too vulnerable that time to notice that you
were just not that into me but thank you anyway for setting the record
straight. And maybe I’m on the losing side this time but I know I’ll be ok
knowing that I’ve  already swallowed the bitter pill and it won’t be long
till I taste the overwhelming sweetness of the truth.

bumabaha ng gagawin at syempre taranta na naman ako.pero ang nasa isip ko ay…

beach.galera.bora.mikail.gabby.the laderas.videoke.strapless bra ng wacoal.chock kiss.iPOD.alak,alak,at alak pa.white o brown bikini.wax.kalandian.graduation.denise.jino.mika.je.newyork.ikaw.sya.tayo.ako…

antagal ko nang hindi kumakain ng kiamoy

i have dz gurl dt i rli lyk bt she wont go out with me na kaming 2 lng, kung wd ka sna hehe bt i know that’s not an option 4u na sumama nagbka-sakali lang ako. hehe thankz eniwiez…happy valentine’s day kitch! (feb 14)

sms msg i got from one of my best guy friends. nampotah, inassume agad na wala akong gagawin nung vday! in fairness, tama naman sya. pero kahit na im  much too young to be a chaperone!

kitchie_11:
minsan kasi napapaisip rin ako…kelangan ba talaga i am ABSOLUTELY SURE that
this is what i want? sabi nga ni Sting: Maybe risk is destiny

mesinahusain: exactly, in my almost 40 years of experience (yikes!), there’s
nothing you can be absolutely sure of, and most things in life, you cannot
really really 100% plan for… i am personally not risk-aversed … but then
that ’s me…ika nga ni steve winwood, "while there is time, let’s go out
and do everything" - tha’t smy credo
 

mesinahusain: at sabi naman ni beyonce, "to the left, to the left" ha ha

wacky meebo conversation with tita bon. i wish i can decide once and for all what the heck im gonna do with my life or at least a few years of it.

lean: oist. gcng kp?
morning after…
kitch: o bat ka ngtext kanina?
lean: bakit masama ka bang mamiss?
kitch: ng 1am ng umaga? aww…narinig mo yung don’t tell your girlfriend noh!
lean: feeling ka talaga

we will always have these kind of inside jokes to remind us that we are, first and foremost, long term liabilites to each other.

yeah im not part of the them anymore. but knowing that our team got dissolved totally broke my heart. we were such a unique group, composed of really quirky personalities. i will forever remember the early morning videos, the 2week long of youtube-ing , and of course, the stuff we wrote about. oh boy…if they only KNEW.hehe.

to rhae, gil, tina, enna, edce, kuya ed, paeng, chris, hannah, renzy, paengster, rene,  chicko and rosch…HIT ME UP BABY!

nung linggo umatake nanaman yung pagiging pasaway ko. gusto kong magpakarebelde at gumawa ng isang bagay na "hindi dapat". dalawa lang ang naisip kong gawin..magyosi o kamustahin *kita

syempre yosi na lang ang pinili ko. isang marlboro light(s). nahihiya pa nga akong bumili kse hindi ko naman talaga alam kung magkano pag tingi. basta ang alam ko lang gusto kong magyosi. bigay ng P5 kay ate, may sukling P3.50…ayus.

hithit-buga ng paulit-ulit. hindi naman talaga ako marunong kasi hindi ko kayang lunukin yung usok. at hindi ko rin kaya na hindi na kita isipin. masyadong malamig at malungkot nung gabi. sabi nila pag patusok raw yung yosi may nag-iisip sa ‘yo. wishful thinking kahit hindi naman lasing.hehe

paubos na yung yosi, sabi ko pagkatapos ititigil ko na rin ang kabaduyang ito…

*to be continued

im writing a post not really because i have something to write but rather because i wanted to write. so i will let this flow and not think. "don’t think, just write"– finding forrester.

yes i am loving my job despite the whirlwind tasks and the ever changing plans and of course, the 24/7 email (thanks to my nokia e61). it’s only been three months but i got the most exposure to print, broadcast and non-tradl media than i ever did before. met a LOT of personalities and learned a lot about the entrep world. carpe diem! i think that’s a perfect way to describe each working day.  oh of course  i whine every now and then and throw tantrums at everyone who bothers to listen but at the end of the day, i have this inkling feeling that this really what i wanted to do…

and just like in any linear story there comes the conflict, the (un)expected blow that life throws back at you just when you’re starting to get comfortable with your life.a new opportunity that comes only once in a lifetime that you are quite unsure of, yet you know that was what you wanted before..but how sure are you that it’s still what you want now? and…what if you’re ok to not be ABSOLUTELY SURE about your decision?

my priorities are changing and even if im sooo freaking tired of dating myself i still choose to put my romantic life on hold because (aside from the fact that guys haven’t actually been noticing me for the past few months..) i haven’t really had time to fix myself up and say "hey i am free, date meee!!" nah, id rather work. or read. or find excruciating ways to complicate my life.

and so the days go by and by, not really sure where i’ll end up with and not really sure if i care enough of what tomorrow will bring, but one thing is for sure. whatever happens….i will write about it.

so there.

in 2007, kitchie needs to fulfill her new york dreams
– sms from myra

i saw gremil’s ny pics today thru friendster and a wave of sadness came over me, especially when i saw times square, radiocity music hall and broadway. been almost 5 yrs since i saw those landmarks and i really really want to visit them again. i wish i kept a journal when i visited, or a digicam even. i still have a bunch of knick knacks from my ny trip that I have yet to organize into a scrapbook. anyway, just to keep the spirit alive, here are a couple of stuff i love/miss most about NYC

New York Public Library (still have my card)
Museum Strip (my mom can get away with a $1 dollar entrance fee because she kept saying she was a student and they believed her!)
Times Square (tkts!)
Rockefeller Center (with or w/o the ice rink)
Taking the bus.everyone is sooo friendly. i miss saying "have a nice weekend" to complete strangers every friday
Broadway shows
the village (la vie boheme!)
soho (artsy fartsy)
rocky horror picture show
all you can eat strawberries/ben and jerry’s ice cream/ocean’s eleven buffalo wings/tacobell
street fairs
concerts at bryant park
gabby and mikail (the best kids in the whole wide world)
duane reade/rite aid/gap at every block
columbia u (my future..hehe)

I WANNA BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK! NEW YORK!

oh no no no no…im going to restrain myself from writing about work because MY GAWD ive been writing work-related stuff 80% of the time.

–instead:

i will write about the wonderful book i read (Shampoo Planet by Douglas Coupland, thanks tin!) and just like in the book, I wish I could conjure witty sentences to describe people’s flaws to make it less…rude. but then im way too lazy and result into, cuss words. really mature, i know.

the next thing i will write about is my recent dietary regime wherein i try to stuff myself with food in order to counter attack the rapid weight loss caused by it-which-must-not-be-named

then i will proceed on ranting about how i don’t see my friends anymore and 
that ive spent the early part of the new year eating meals alone. where art thou me fair weathered bosom friends?

and this surprisingly new realization that one of my secret wishes is to catch a guy secretly looking at me with a smile in his face.

see? im still human, i have a lot of other things going on my mind. so please pretty please do not let me fall to the dark side.
SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOS
—end of message—

DISCLAIMER: Not recommended for people who have low levels of mushyness tolerance. Don’t say I didn’t warn ‘ya.

—————————————————————————————————–

Let this be the last time I will write about this.

I broke one of our traditions this year and that in itself
says a lot.  The distance between us
seems to be more evident than ever before but I surprisingly feel calm.  I have long prepared for this moment, to
finally cut off the remaining strands of what was in order to accept what will
be.

It is simple, but not easy.

We are simply not meant to be, and it took me almost six
years to accept that.  I have always
wanted to be that girl who will wake up and sleep beside you or just even have
that one fine day for us to spend together.  No walls, rules, restrictions, just us
enjoying each other’s company. But then
I wake up from this dream state and realize that you never really wanted me
there in the first place. Because if you
really did, then that dream will become a reality.

I know that by the time you reach this part you have
realized that this post is talking about you.  In fact, you can ask any of my friends and be
surprised that they will all mention your name.  After all their poor ears have suffered enough
from all my rantings about you, their shoulders sore from the countless times I
needed comfort and their tear stained hankies that they always said I could
keep.  Melodramatic I know, but I wanted to
tell you that this really happened, that the pain that I felt was real.

I am writing this because I will probably have no chance to say
goodbye.  I know the current circumstances
will not permit us to be seen together and that I will just have to settle for
a cyber goodbye.  I know we have said our
goodbye’s so many times before but I guess this is the only time when I finally
mean it.

So please allow me to say this one last time,

I love you.

3 EXTREMELY SIMPLE (BUT NOT EASY) THINGS I’LL DO IN 2007

make more mistakes
- i have the tendency to be very unforgiving just because i personally do not even consider doing something that will extremely hurt another person. don’t get me wrong i have my own set of wrongdoings but i think im too much of a wimp to do something really really horrible and i think i need to commit a couple of huge mistakes so i’ll have more reasons to forgive the persons i have wronged me knowing that im no saint either.

drinks lotsa vitamins
-i gained 5lbs in a span of 1 week (95lbs-100lbs!) and i plan to reach about 115 so i won’t look so…anorexic. my eating habits are fine but i think i need more nutrients if i really wanna gain weight and stay away from diseases so hello centrum!

close chapters in my seemingly non-existent lovelife
ive had (more than) enough of waiting and wanting and hoping that he’d come to his senses but if by now he still hasn’t realize how much im willing to do just to be with him then i guess i’ll just have to find someone who will right?!  i have a feeling it’ll be this year, that one person who will "get it" and i will be able to say in the eternal words of dave eggers "finally, finally, finally…"

also id like to take this time to thank everyone who has made this year so eventful. family/relatives,  highschool tropa, eggkada, up/commres peeps and everyone else in between, you know who you are!

thank you for teaching me how to love ME.

kitchie